Remember. and reconnect. with your best self.

When you’re in the midst of a difficult challenge it can be hard to remember who you really are and what matters most.  Challenges make us question everything (the gift and the curse) but often we end up feeling too overwhelmed to examine with the care and attention we deserve, and instead opt to ignore or numb - think focus on others, wine, food, spending etc...  Well meaning friends and family don’t quite know how to navigate when we’re in the throes of something difficult and may inadvertently exacerbate our pain by saying annoying things like this too shall pass (even though it will eventually).  How do you begin to remember and reconnect to your best self when you're struggling so you can begin to move through the challenge?

My favorite new mantra is change happens in connection.  I love my new mantra so much that I want to shout it out - CHANGE HAPPENS IN CONNECTION!  I attempted to change for years reading stacks of books next to my bed on how to grow, evolve, BREAK THROUGH LIMITS! I LOVED those books to death, they are dog-earred, highlighted and have notes scribbled in the margins. Every time I finished one I told everyone I knew, you have to read this, it'll change your life!  But here’s what happened, I got excited about one great concept then quickly moved onto the next.  Without creating the opportunity to reflect and PRACTICE with a supportive witness, I didn’t make much progress. 

In my experience working with groups, individuals and couples I’ve learned that true, lasting change happens in connection to others.  When we’ve been doing the same thing for so long it’s hard for us to notice when we’ve finally begun to make incremental progress.  This is not because we’re deficient, it’s because that’s how we’re wired.  Our brains filter for what we focus on and if you’re like most humans, you’re fixated on what’s not working, not on what’s going well. When we have someone who can witness and reflect back to us what’s actually happening, we can begin to filter for what is working and start reinforcing that perspective.  The beauty of having a supportive professional or group share their experience of us is that we can begin to integrate what’s actually happening in REAL TIME rather than looking at our experience through an old scratched up lens.  This is how we begin to remember who we really are, by practicing with others, getting a new lens and letting go of old stories.  Once the slate is clear we can begin to make choices that support what MATTERS most to us.  Consider joining a group.  You deserve to be supported.